ONE - Malt loaf is the food of kings. It's a great energy food, really lightweight and edible even when frozen. Fantastic.

TWO - There is no easy way to go to the loo at -20°C.

THREE - A tent full of women smells just as bad as a tent full of men after six weeks on the ice.

FOUR - Whatever it is, it will happen if you persevere. It might not happen exactly the way you'd planned, but with a bit of lateral thinking and huge dollops of enthusiasm, you really can make dreams a reality.

FIVE - A polar bear always strikes with its left front paw first.

SIX - I lost half a stone during the last expedition, but haven't stopped eating since we got back... that was two weeks ago.

SEVEN - I have a mild phobia of spiders and am really not keen on most creepy crawlies. So the insect-less polar environment is like heaven to me.

EIGHT - Men are incredible gossips. It took three years of living on an Antarctic station with 18 of them to find that one out.

NINE - The Arctic isn't just white and blue, it is full of colour.

TEN - When learning to kite-ski put your skis on before launching, take a strong friend with you to hold you down, and never try to launch in 30 knots out of sheer desperation for good wind.

ELEVEN - There is an evil sprite in my kite bag that messes up my lines, no matter how carefully I wind them.

TWELVE - 'Life is not a dress rehearsal.' OK, I pinched that one from Michael Caine. He's not a conventional prophet of wisdom, but in this case I think he was absolutely right.

THIRTEEN - Penguins live in the Antarctic and polar bears live in the Arctic. A lot of people get that wrong.

FOURTEEN - The best thing about coming home from the Arctic was not having to sleep with a pair of frozen boots, various items of damp clothing, satellite phone batteries, lighters and several water bottles.

FIFTEEN - I have a fantastic team, which is a really rare and precious thing. We make each other laugh and pull together even when tired, hungry and under pressure.